One freezing dark morning a girl called Blossom ran down the stairs with a ‘’thump’.’ Her puppy Lilly was waiting down stairs. He was barking bark bark. Blossom did not know what Lilly was saying so Blossom followed Lilly to the window.Blossom pulled the curtains and to her surprise it was dark. She could not even see a thing. Blossom and Lilly rushed outside. There was only one bit of light. It wasshining into Nibbles the bunnies cage where Nibbles was asleep. Blossom and Lilly went to go tell her parents that she was going to go and find the sun. Her parents said ‘’Yes’’ so Blossom ran around her street trying to find the sun. They found the sun but a baddie was taking over the world and the sun so Lilly and blossom stopped them. As the sun came out from the baddies arms everyone was cheering with delight.
To Tegan,
ReplyDeleteYou have included some great description in your writing to make it interesting for the reader. Your story has a very clear beginning, middle and end in just 100 words.
Don't forget what tense you are using. What do you think sounds better? Everyone was cheering with delight or everyone cheered with delight?
From Mrs Head