Suddenly I
took a step and was in the middle of nowhere! The sun slowly separated and drifted
through the sky. A big, bright castle stood in front of me like a tall tree
staring back at me looking grand and lonely. Was I in Japan, Australia or America?
I stepped into castle. It squeaked as if it was new. I looked out the shiny, glooming window and slowly the sky got darker! I saw a bunch of fireflies making bright
golden lights lighting up the night sky. The Beautiful fireflies were holding
up a sparkly banner. The banner said “You can have this castle!”
Hello Tegan,
ReplyDeleteWhat a magical adventure you have shared. Your sharing of scenes and events is not only creative in content, it is full of wonderfully descriptive words. They helped paint pictures in my mind as I imagined what you described. Well done. :)
The care you have taken with vocabulary, spelling and punctuation shows your skill in writing. I would normally make a suggestion to help writers here but, apart from a few minor errors you missed when rereading, I think you already know how to write effectively. Again, well done.
I think it would be wonderful if such a magical place was in Australia. I would want to visit it. I hope you continue to enter the 100WC so you can share more worlds of magic and mystery.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
What a great experience! I truly enjoyed reading this story, imagining I was in a strange place, and got the gift of a castle. I especially like your second sentence. It created a beautiful image in my mind. Be sure to proofread your work so you can correct tiny mistakes like missing words. Keep up the great work!
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